Coming of Age Rituals
As we and our children grow older, we of the Old Religion are reclaiming ceremonies that acknowledge and celebrate our children's growth towards adulthood. This is an area fraught with indecision for some parents, however. How do you celebrate a Wiccan ritual for a child "coming of age" when you've kept your children at arm's length to your religion out of fear of the majority rule?
At this point in time, we're beginning to see more Pagans come out of the broom closet and openly declare their beliefs. These parents are now trying to find the old ceremonies that acknowledge their children's growth, but are also finding that many of these ceremonies don't fit the times in which we live.
In ancient tribal societies, rites were often based on age. When a child grew to the age specified by the tribe, s/he underwent the ritual. Upon successful completion, the child was declared an adult and all rights and responsibilities of adulthood were conferred upon the child. This age of adulthood was most often keyed towards puberty.
Today, our children are entering puberty at earlier and earlier ages. For example, it's not unusual to find a girl beginning to menstruate at 8 or 9. Children barely into their early teen years (if even that), are having children of their own. The physical development our children's bodies have raced light years ahead of their emotional development. Place blame where you will: hormone-laced beef, food irradiation, nurture vs nature, ozone depletion, or the chemicals and minerals spewing into our air, water, earth, or food, the fact remains that the old ways don't work in today's modern society.
In addition to the early development of the physical stages of puberty, we also need to take into account our legal system. Here in the U.S., we have different ages for different aspects of adulthood. A teenager can drive unrestricted at age 16, but can't buy a beer or cigarettes until 21. Recent changes in criminal law make it possible that children as young as 9 can be tried as adults for some crimes. Young people can go to war and vote at 18, but if a 21-year-old has sex with a 16-year-old, it's statutory rape in many states. And we wonder why our children act and think so differently than when we were there age? Their entire childhood is full of contradictions as to whether they are children or adults. We demand they act their age; but I propose that phrase has lost all meaning in today's society.
Therefore, we need to embrace our children into our religion from the start, and give them the foundation for growth that our ways can offer to them. To do this, we must take the essence of the old rites and adapt them for today's use. In addition, these can then be fine-tuned to fit the personality, development, and needs of the child, him/herself.
Most of society's remedies for the ills of today rest in a resurgence of shame and guilt. These concepts are abhorred within the Craft. Instead, we seek to root within our children the foundation of the Craft, namely, awareness and joy and personal responsibility. In having a well developed sense of personal responsibility, a child will naturally respect the rights, privileges, life and property of others, as well as of themselves and what they own. In knowing awareness and joy, the child learns appreciation and respect for the world around him/her.
These rites offered here are few in number. We are just now beginning to recognize the need for them, and attention is slowly being turned towards their creation for the children of this generation of Pagan parents. There is a fervent hope, especially in the girls' rites, that we can imbue our young girls with the knowledge of and belief in themselves as special, worthy, and intelligent. If we can accomplish this, we give them a vital personal foundation on which to base their own decisions regarding sexuality, marriage, children, and career; and the strength and courage to fight discrimination wherever they encounter it.